So I was thinking in the shower the other day (that’s where 90% of my brilliant ideas come to my mind, and that’s why everyone thinks they ‘stink’), that was the same day and after my Arabic term final, and I realized that .. I’ve never had a single sane normal Arabic teacher, all of them were whack jobs, or had something really weird or unique about them, and I’ll tell you about the most interesting ones from them all.
I don’t really remember the ones I had before grade 3, I wasn’t too young to remember, so it’s kind of weird and inexplicable, but I guess since most the shit we took back then was the alphabet, I love mommy and daddy, Ahmed is a farmer sentences and teaching us how to read and shit (I started reading manageably at KG, ahead of the rest – toldja I’m smart), so anyway, I’ll start with my 4th grade Arabic teacher.
1) Miss Samar : Ok, I was way too young to comprehend or even process this, but this lady was HOT. Jordanian, if I remember correctly, in her mid-twenties. My perversion phase (that sadly never ended) hadn’t started in Miss Samar’s days, but I always knew there was something special about the way everything was ‘tight’ on her (lol). I remember her being a fast writer, so when she used to raise her hand and write in the blackboard .. wrote really fast .. everything would .. mmm, USE YOUR IMAGINATION ! Ohh and when she used to kneel down to mark our notebooks, everything would ... use your imagination again (your fucking lucky day) !
2) Mr Ahmed : Egyption, mid-twenties. This guy was huuuuuge, I mean really really buffed up. The boys in class would drool at the thought of having biceps like this guy’s instead of focusing on anything he’s saying, and I remember us going up to him and asking him what he did to make them this big. He also always spoke in Fluent Arabic (فصحى), half what he said was coherent and the other half required a معجم (Arabic Dictionary).
3) Mr Samer : Syrian, Mid-twenties. I don’t remember a lot about him, but .. I think he was gay. I never knew what gay people were like, or how they looked. To us (the boys), it wasn’t more than a name-calling tool we experimented in tossing around, but after I grew up and learned how to tell a straight person from a gay one (very grown up, huh ?) and remembered him, I realized it. He always wore REALLY tight pants, and they always looked nice, not nice the gay way, nice the designer-pants way. He even had a weird walk, stance, talk and even the spike hair … The whole nine gay yards.
4) Mr Awad ? : Palestinian/Jordanian. Late-forties. I’m not really sure if that’s his name. This guy was a mess, he only lasted a term with us. He was an expert in Arabic, but he was the worst teacher ever. He had no control over us at all, and we did everything we wanted to do, and anytime we wanted to do it. He used to have tantrums … like everyday, and I don’t blame him, we really outdid ourselves with this teacher and were the reason of his mental breakdown. Imagine what Dr Phil would feel like if you taped his mouth, that’s what I saw happen to this guy. I mean he was a good guy, a great guy, What other teacher would tell you about sex-related poems in Grade 9 ? and laugh around about silly things ? I really feel sorry for all the mess I did in his class. I’m sorry Mr. Awad (I hope that’s your name).
5) Mr Mohammed Hassan : Jordanian. Early 40s. I started this guy’s nickname, Saddam. He looks like him a lot, the mustache, the tone of speech, the dialect (almost), ohh and the way he threatened us was Saddam-ish too. He used to threaten us when he shouted at us for being too noisy or annoying or whatever. “بمسح ابوجهك الأرض” (that means : I’ll sweep the floors with your face) was the kind of threats he made, but he never ever touched a student with the intention to hurt him (there is always usual playful ‘get out of my hand twister grip’ if you can thing) . Fun, and good teacher, I still see him in school.
6) Miss Azza : She was the replacement to Mr Awad (the psycho job). I don’t remember a lot about her, but she was very much like the Egyptian ladies you see in Egyptian series. The loud-mouthed, gum-chewing, talking about the neighbors tone kind of lady. She wasn’t too anything, but we sometimes had fun, and made fun of her in class. Howa Feeh A ?
7) Miss Wafaa : Our current teacher. Egyptian. Mid-thirtees. Day one this year, we see her name on the teacher’s grid assigned to our class, the first thing the fuckjobs in our class decide to do was write a complaint petition to the administration asking them to change our teacher for the ‘better’ one (a fun guy, who talks about Real Madrid & Barcelona matches half the lesson), even though none of them (or I) have studied with her ever before. Next day she comes in the class saying “mmm, First of all, my name is Miss Wafaa .. and I’d like to thank everyone who sent their compliments of me to the administration.” Everyone feels awkward, and I start laughing. I did sign, but I felt peer-pressured into it (and I say I’m not easy .. )
UPDATE : I remembered who my Grade 1-3 arabic teacher is, when I wrote about the last one. Her name too was Miss Wafaa, and I don’t’ remember much about her, but I remember that .. she sadly passed away. الله يرحمك و يذكرك بالخير يا مس وفاااء..
I don’t like to talk a lot about when I was a kid, but taking that drive down memory lane was rather interesting, maybe I’d do more. Blog us about your teachers and link yourselves back in the comments.