Long awaited my ass. It's been a while since I last posted an entry (for the rate I was going at that is). The mid-year's break is officially finished, unofficially, not. Most schools start the second term next week, except us, so as an act of defiance, everyone is taking the week off, which I know everyone would chicken out of by tomorrow.
With something like this happening, I usually would write something about how I spent the days, what kept me going, and what didn't. I won't. I had the chance to see something more significant happened this weekend.
I've always believed people should be who they are and do what they do based on logic. Emotions are important in determining how you think about anything, but they are very vulnerable to effect, change and influence. Have you ever felt that you're depressed for no reason ? Angry at something you don't know ? Uncomfortable about seeing the big picture because you don't know what you don't like about it ? ..
Run for a mile, and you'll wake up a day later with sore hips. Play ping-pong for two days and your arms will start hurting you. Feel happy about something for too long and you'll forget why you were happy about it in the first place. In each of those activities, you will probably not want to play again for a while until you feel more ready to. Same goes to any activity.
Emotion and logic, we use them more than any other bodily part we could use, so why do we never take time to give them a rest until we feel more ready about using them again. Everybody would argue that they'd love to do just that, but there simply isn't time for that. Maybe they're right, or maybe we're too scared to try to change anything under "If it's not broken, don't fix it", but is that really how we want to look at our selves ? A plumbing problem that you'll ignore until the toilet starts backing up ?
Against all odds, I did just that all week, feel nothing, think nothing and be no one. I don't know what triggered it and it really doesn't matter to me. Instead of seeing how many different ways I would've acted on any event and worry about making the right decision, I acted on harmless impulse, and that helped me understand how bad events don't necessarily have to result in bad outcomes.
We always complain about setbacks on our master-plan. To achieve something you always wanted to is a great thing, and you should be happy about it, but if you disregard all the little things that helped you get there, you will lose appreciation of whatever it is you've done as soon as the rush goes. We probably all know that our master-plan is most likely not to work, the earth just doesn't dance in the same tempo we dance in. Instead of making the right choices to get somewhere, we should make the right choices to see where it takes us, that way if we never get to your goals we will never be disappointed because you went up a level and strive for more.
I never wanted to be perfect or have an idol, I think that doing that I bottleneck myself to a level of perfection I wanted to have, and if I that never happened I'd get disappointed at myself, I instead want to be the best person I could and wanted to be, that way I'll sleep comfortably knowing that I did all that I could've and be proud to where that got me.
Summing it all up. Don't think outside the box, put yourself out of the box. The little everyday things are what matter in the big picture, and as insignificant as they seem they are what makes you who you are.