Thanks To Google AdSense, Whatever Remaining Creative Output Energy I Had Left In Me Will Now Go Into My Secret Porn DVD Rating Blog
By TI3GIB @
Friday, April 25, 2008
Dare I say, my longest title ?
Anyhoos, friends, you probably all have noticed that I spend very little of my very little output into maintaining a quality blog, resulting in an experience lackluster compared to that of the greatly exaggerated ti3gib experience. One of which, I can confirm, is special, but far from the epic proportions that are advertised around.
I had prepared a follow up to the very popular Ti3gib's Guide To Dating Khaeegi Girls (4 Readers so far, a personal record), but because Google's AdSense advertising that was my pathetic attempt of monetizing my internet experience, I can just push you to the right corner of the page and not update for a while. Again.
The following picture will definitely put the missing sense into your slightly confused faces.
Needless to say (but I think I'll just go ahead and say it) , These ArabLounge have will land you a greater opportunity of courting a Yemeni girl than my method ever would have.
The Only Way Oman Will Win Khaleeji 19
By TI3GIB @
Thursday, April 24, 2008
In the last two Khaleeji tournaments, Oman reached the final match and lost in both occasions to the host. Supporters claim that the winning-host theory along with the reached-final one, we have a greater chance than ever to, for the first time ever, win something.
However, with the humiliating display the national team put in their last matches, I have strong doubts of that happening. I am not here to thwart that possibility crushing our dreams, but I'm here to offer not only a fail-safe solution but the only way for us to fulfill that dream.
I have embeded a video that will best explain what I have in mind. Please observe the little boy wearing the blue outfit, we will be calling him Hassan, and he'll be representing the rival team. We'll also be calling the boy in the brown-ish dishdasha Ahmed, and he'll be our national team. I want you to closely observe what happens.
You can, at the beggining of the video from 0:00 to 0:12 see the superior playing skills of the rival player. He plays in a much more dynamic game and a greater energy. Infact, so dynamic and energetic that our national player is no where in the image.
We only appear in second 0:13 of the video with a weak dribble that leads to no where and is soon recovered by the rival player. You can tell how out-of-place and distraught our national player by his lack of orientation skills, where in second 0:21 you see him clearly heading away from the game, while the rival player appears miles away from nowhere in second 0:21 and stands there without movement, as if mocking our national player.
However, what happens next is fascinating and very aligned with our culture. You see, in Oman we're notorious for being magicians, wizards, m3alems and sa7ara, and that's exactly what happens in second 0:27 while we apply a previously prepared 7urz (3amal, spell) to the rival player.
And not only that, but we also prove it's worthiness by kicking the ball from right under the rival player's feet and looking back at the audience (second 0:29) for a victory smile. And victorious we are indeed, the rival player not only does an unwillingful handball but also admits it by shouting "Ahhh, Waish 9ar ?!" in disbelif (Translation : What happened ?!).
But no, we don't stop there, we further proof this great skill by making the rival player carry the ball to our national player and sets it perfectly on the floor for our national player to finish it with a winning goslin second 0:31 right out of the hands of the rival player.
Munthir's magician friend is our only hope.
Note : If you're wondering what's going on with the kid in the white dishdasha, he's Kuwaiti, that's why he's depressed, and ostracized to himself to a life of sodomy and drugs.
Ti3gib's Guide To Dating Khaeegi Girls
By TI3GIB @
Thursday, April 24, 2008
Okay, so I'm sick of all my Arab friends telling me about their relationships issues, so I this is a guide that will assist you in picking up a sex partner for one night. I'm a guy, so my expertise are those on how to pick up girls, but if there are any girls that would like to share their experiences with us, please feel free to do so.
Omani :- Follow her in your car. Think of what you're going to say. Ask friends A about her name. Call your friends B and ask if they know a , and what they know about her. Call her on the phone, and talk to her for months, make sure to use fancy language like Bella La Rose, and City Centre. If you're lucky, it shouldn't take more than 3 months before you get rejected and she moves on to the next guy. Success rate : 0% Verdict : Don't bother, it's easier getting to Queen Elizabeth's room in Buckingham Palace (this is not an invitation to do so, we do not endorse this action).
Emarati :- (This only applies to the rich emirates) They're fairly easier, the only thing you need to worry about, is to avoid harassment charges. Here's an easy game that will always win you the Emarati girl, it's called "My Dad Is Richer". You need a rich Emarati kid (the first person wearing white in your admist). It's simple. The first one of you to go through the Bentley dealership, buy a Continental GT, and totals it over crazy driving wins. You may get extra points if you do drive on 2-Wheels before you total the car. You get the girl by boasting about your win and this always works. However, the results may vary with hybrid Emaratis. Success Rate : 0%, Verdict : There is no such thing as Emarati girls, there's only Emarati-Iranian-Moroccan-Omani-Indian Hybrids, and this won't work on them.
Qatari :- Ok. You court a Qatari girl the way you court any girl in the world. Only you do it in Milan, carrying her shopping bags, holding her phone to her face while she alternates between talking to her friend Farah in the Paris branch of the same botique store you're in and feeding her grapes. Peeled grapes.
You can also grab her jaw and move it up and down to chew the chewing gum in her mouth for extra points. Success Rate : 50% Verdict : Good luck.
Kuwaiti :- Smiling at her would be more than enough. Success Rate : 100% Verdict : Always gets you laid.
Bahraini :- Ok. Kinda hot and not too hard to court. Find out if she's Shiia or Sunniya. Give her a call and bash the opposite sect and smooth sailing from thereon. Success Rate : 99% Verdict : You tiger, you ;)
Saudi :- Do this But I have some suggestions to enhance your chances. I strongly suggest changing the soundtrack before presenting your display of high speed acrobatica, and for god's sake, make sure the driver of the vehicle has the hazard blinker signals on, you don't want her thinking that you're crazy or something like that ! Success Rate : 1% Verdict : According to various fatwas, the girl must be accompanied by a Muhram while being on the YouTubes, so honor that rule. This concludes our guide to Khaleegi girls, please return soon for other nationalities. I look forward to all the "int chelb wo ma mtrabey, jileel il 7aya" comments from all the angry Khaleegi girls that I've "conquered"
This blog has lost all purpose (Didn't I just say that up there ?). I really don't want to delete it, so I'll be posting some music for all of you. This is the greatest music you'll ever hear, and if you think otherwise, you have bad taste. If you think I'm an asshole, fuck you.
Know that saying "All Good things start with an M ?" .. Yeah, neither do I, but we're piloting this thing with some Michael Jackson.
Michael Jackson > Tabloid Junkie Classic Pop. I know all of you kids think you're too cool for it now. You don't have to listen to it right now, but download this shit, and put it in your MP3 player. One lucky day, you'll be driving home alone and this will come playing on a shuffle. Thank me later. Listen & Download
Lou Donaldson > Don't Worry (If There's a Hell Below, We're All Going to Go) Funk. What do you mean you don't listen to funk ? .. Jesus Christ, Mohammed, Buddha and .. Uhh, all the rest of them important religion folk. No wonder none of you kids get laid ever. You'll listen to the damn thing and like it. You hear me ? .. You'll like the shit out of it if that's the last productive (or reproductive, because Funk gets you laid) thing you'll ever do. Listen & Download
Madonna Ritchie > 4 Minutes (Ft. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland) Pop/Hip Hop. Ok I know what you're thinking. I'm here preaching about good taste, and I pull something that sounds like what a public toilet in a Burger King in Kuwait would look like off. I uploaded this for a very simple reason, and that's because Madonna Ritchie, Jennifer Timberlake, and Timberland are the worst musicians that this planet has ever had to tolerate. Usually, for this single, you'd have to pay a significant amount of money for a fairly insignificant piece of garbage, but in the junkbox all your garbage is for free ! (Ok, I admit that the garbage logic is leaking), but I'm not gonna like your father who tells you not to smoke and then goes for a fag after (lol, your father is gay). So, smoke this fag and see the bad taste it leaves in your mouth for yourself. Listen & Download
Alter Bridge > Break Me Down Alternative. Ok. This is for my 13-18 year old female readers (basically, the girl in the back picking her nose, and her girlfriend on the phone). Alter Bridge's first album was one the first that I listened to when I took up rock/metal a few years back, and even though I now grew on to like stuff that have more of the "Rock & Roll, Up Your Hole" sentiment, I still frequent some of the more groomed, pretty boys from San Fransisco stuff. This is from their "Blackbird" album. More than decent, buy it. Seriously. Listen & Download
Opeth > Serenity Painted Death Metal. Clocking in at a nudge above 9 minutes, this would seem a little too tiring for musical virgins like yourself, and even though it starts off with Death Metal Growls (you know, what you people call satanic black music glorifying the devil), the music changes to something much more musical delicate before it rapes you again. Great Fucking Music this is. Just great. Listen & Download
Pure Reason Revolution > Apprentice Of The Universe. Really Weird Shit. Very very weird experimental progressive feel to this. I don't know what to tell you about this, other than just listen to it. It's cool. Listen & Download
Brian Setzer > Put Your Cat Clothes On Rockabilly. Rockabilly is basically some type of original Rock & Roll (what you guys think is country). I don't know what the fuck this song is about, but I think it's about wearing animals and I'm always up for any music that encourages wearing animals (Die tree huggers !). Listen & Download
Ron DeFilippo & Clare North > You Never Played By The Rules Jazz. Ok, so your dad listens to Jazz. How about you do something that your dad actually approves of for once ? I mean, you haven't "talked" in years. Even though, throught the whole song basically Ron & Clare (I'm cool enough to call them by their first names like I I know them) are basically vocally sexing each other up, it's a good start. Listen & Download
Ok. I've had enough with giving you my good stuff. If you want more of those, leave a comment saying so or email me at ti3gib [at] gmail [dot] com. If you spam me, I'll kill your mother.